Car trouble

I was driving Tony to the hospital to have his leg brace adjusted.

A car nearly pulled out in front of us and stopped just in time.

Tony: You stop there....you...little git!

.....

..person. Should say "little person" really, not little git. Shouldn't be racist. It's not 'cow', or 'git'. It's 'person'. Probably shouldn't say 'little' either. Like "You....person!". That's better.

There's no excuse for being racist.

Chinese whispers

Tony was talking about the leftovers of a takeaway he'd seen in the kitchen. We talked at cross purposes while I forgot that I'd got a Chinese takeaway a few nights previously.

I asked him what it was.

Tony: Plastic fings, wannit. Stringy stuff...lettuce or summink. Stuff I can't have cos of me teef.

The penny dropped.

Me: You mean noodles?!

Tone: Yeah, summink like that.

Call of the wild.

I got Tony some shopping. He's still laid up with his knee injury.

I went to his room to deliver him some paracetamol and his change. The room was thick with the smell of rancid farts. My eyes were burning.

Me: Jesus Tone! What the fuck?! Open a window or something. It stinks in here.

Tony: Oh! Does it?

Tony opened a window and sprayed deodorant, blowing the combined stench of shit and Lynx Africa around the house.

Be careful what you ask for...