Poker plonker

It's new years eve, and Tony was leaving the house in his usual 'I'm going out' gear including the winter set of gloves, beanie and hi-viz jacket.

Me: Got work?
Tony: Nah. Poker.
Me: Where's that?
Tony: Pub in Andover.
Me: Really? On new years eve?
Tony: Yeah. They said last week. Or fink they did anyway.
Me: Surely not.
Tony: Fink so.
Me: Why don't you call first and find out?
Tony: Dunno the number, do I.

I search online and find the number and he calls on my phone. It's on speaker because there's a problem sometimes with the mouthpiece.

Tony: I wuz wundrin if the poker wuz on.
Lady: The what love?
Tony: Poker. Tonight.
Lady: Shouldn't think so love, it's new years eve. I'll check. JANE! JANE! IS THE POKER ON?
(Jane: The what?)
Lady: THE POKER! IS IT ON TONIGHT?
(Jane: Nah. It's new years eve!)
Lady: No love, it's new years eve.
Tony: Oh. Ok. Thanks. Bye.

Me: There you go! Just as well you called. Saved you a journey.
Tony: Yeah spose. <Heads outdoors>
Me: What you doing?
Tony: Oh. I'll go anyway. You never know.

Bank Holiday

Tony: Can I use your phone? I need to phone the bank.
Me: It's a bank holiday Tone. I think you'll be wasting your time.
Tony: Sometimes they're open ain't they. Can I give it a try?
Me: Yeah, if you want, but I think you're wasting your time.

He takes the phone to his room, and returns maybe 2 minutes later.

Tony: No answer.
Me: It's a bank holiday Tone.
Tony: But sometimes -
Me: It's a bank....holiday!