It's all in the delivery

Tony was ordering a food delivery on his phone. For some reason he had it on speaker phone, so I could hear both sides.

Tony: Hello! Could I order a takeaway please?

Voice: Delivery. 

Tony: Takeaway.

Voice: Delivery?

Tony: TAKEAWAY! No! Delivery.

The rest was not amusing, and involved pizza and onion rings. 

Whatever the weather

Watching the weather forecast (Tuesday 12th January).

Frankly the best Tonyism yet, in my opinion.

"Oh! It's raining Thursday now. It wasn't yesterday!" 

A Lidl confused

Aldi were advertising the superb value of their goods. 

Me: So Aldi say the price of their average weekly shop is £11 less than Tesco, and Tesco advertise that they have price matched Aldi on hundreds of big names brands.

Tony: ....oooookaaay... 😐

Me: Well I suppose that shows big name brands don't make up as much of the weekly shop as you'd think, or one of them isn't telling the truth.

Tony: Why's that then?

Me: Well Aldi say they're cheaper and Tesco say they're the same.

Tony: Oh definitely not!

Me: When do you shop at Aldi? (the nearest Aldi isn't convenient)

Tony: Went there once and sugar was so cheap I bought three packs!

Me: But that's not representative of the average weekly shop.

Tony: Biscuits as well! Lidl's biscuits are much cheaper!

Me: But that's not Aldi.

Tony: Oh....dunno then. 

The Muddleorian

Tony and I have been watching The Mandalorian.

Things Tony has called The Mandalorian:

That man fing.

The Delorean. 

The Mandy. 

The Mandela-rian. 

The Mandolin. 

The Mandarin.

"...what *is a Man-der-loriat anyway?" 🤨

Couldn't chair less

Tony had been sat on the sofa for some while, having something to eat and watching TV. Then gets up with a grunt "I'm going for a sit down".

Me : "You are sat down Tone."

Tony : "In my room, I mean!", like I've lost my mind. 

Me : "But...you lie down in your room Tone. You haven't got a chair."

Tony: "I'm going to my room!"

Fwah gwar

Quiz show host: What French delicacy has moulard duck liver as its main ingredient?

Contestant: Uh...pass

Quiz show host: Foie Gras

Tony: Fwah gwar?! What fuck's that?!

Me: It's a French delicacy which has moulard duck liver as its main ingredient.

Tony: Oh.