Lotto nonsense

Tony: Won 60 quid again.

Me: Yeah? Nice one. What's that? The lottery?

Tony: Yeah. Hotpicks. That's 3 in a row. Every three weeks. I don't bother doing Tuesday or Friday any more. I don't win them. I'm just doing every 3 Saturdays now. 

Me: You think that's the secret?

Tony: Well it's working.

Me: It's a lottery Tone. It's luck.

Tony: I know that. I'm just saying it's working.

Me: What's working?

Tony: Only playing every 3 Saturdays.

Me: That indicates you think it's a strategy.

Tony: Well it's working.

Me: It's not working. It's not a formula for winning. You just happened to win.

Tony: I know that! I'm just saying it worked!

It's all in the past tense.

Tony: I didn't see it tomorrow because I was out last week. 

Premier Siege

Tony: Here's one for ya. How many "Uniteds" in the Premier League?

Me: Hmm...

(time out for thinking)

Me: ...well, you're effectively asking me to name every team in the Premiership. I'm not sure I could do that.

Tony: No I'm not! Just the Uniteds.

Me: If I can't name all of the teams in the Premiership, I can't know that I've named all the Uniteds.

Tony: I'm only asking about the Uniteds! I'm not saying name every team in the league!

Me: How are you not getting this?! If I can't name every team in the league, how will I know I haven't missed one?

Tony: I'm not asking every team in the league am I?! Just the Uniteds!

Me: Ok. So you know then?

Tony: (fed up) Yeah! It's 4!

Me: Oh. So you saw that on something?

Tony: Eh?

Me: How do you know there are 4?

Tony: BECAUSE I COUNTED THEM!

Me: So you can name every team in the premiership?

Tony: No.

Me: Well how do you know you haven't missed one?

Tony: BECAUSE I COUNTED THEM!

Me: But...how do...

(He was pink with fury and I didn't want him dying over football trivia)

Me: ...alright! (counting them off on my fingers) OK, Newcastle United... 

Tony: Oh....5 then.